Category: CARS

Chump Car Photos

RACE DAY!!!

Previous Chump Car Posts:

Chump Car!!!

I guess I was wrong about that…

First, lots of people are going to have fun.  The opportunity to race a car never comes to many people and there will be lots of first time drivers on the track today – that’s just cool.

But, this is going to be interesting for other reasons, too… I’ve read through the forums to get a feel for what teams expectations should have been regarding pre-race penalties (a la LeMons).  It is pretty clear that cars exceeding the $500 prep limit will receive lap penalties.  From an official on the forums – “The acid test is “Do you have a $500 car or not?””

My recollection is that LeMons “cheaters” have been docked one lap for every $10 over the $500 limit .  $600 car = minus 10 laps…  

The plot thickens – I watched a car role through the inspection process and observed the Chump Car official nodding approvingly at the documentation accompanying a car that massively exceeded the $500 limit (just in body parts).   As this is the first Chump Car event, we have no idea what penalties are in store, or how they will be meted out. 

So, as of now, I’m not sure how much like a 24 Hours of LeMons race this Chump Car thing is going to turn out to be, but I did get some photos of a few cars that meet what I’ve always thought was the spirit of this type event.

Chump 510
510 Wagon - that's some righteous chumpiness
Chump Camaro
Not so sure about this one - makes me feel nostalgic for the Rockford Pile
Chump Colt
Nicely Done!!! This is the kind of crap-can I expected
Chump Fiat
Finally found the front two thirds of the Fiat X 1/6 - see the "Fiatcage.com" banner? Bellissimo!!
Chump Subaru
If it rains this legit chump has a real chance
Chump Toyota
Recycled Chumps - I've seen this POS before. These guys get it.
Chump Wrestle
Andre the Giant would approve - as do I

I guess I was wrong about that…

No, not the Ferrari thing, but this:

“There is a difference between an “activity” and a “race”, and it is important to understand what those differences might be.  If Lemons and Chump Car were really races, then the primary purpose would be to have a race – but, that’s not the primary purpose and everybody knows it.”

I wrote that passage a couple of days ago in my post Chump Car!!!, about this weekends event at Portland International Raceway.  It turns out that not everybody “knows it”.

Here’s an example from a 24 Hours of Lemons race:

Recently, I made a number of inquires to friends and acquaintances asking for photos of their Chump Cars and descriptions of their driver line-ups.  I didn’t get many takers.  The reason, it seems, is that they don’t want anybody to know what they’re up to…

Why not – you may ask?  I think they figure that if they hide until just before the race (that would be now), the officials won’t notice that they’ve grossly exceeded their budgets.  The rules clearly state that cars will be assigned penalty laps if they run afoul of the $500 prep rule.  Actually, maybe not so clearly, but they do say this:

“If you screw-up… you’ll either be docked laps or you’ll have to face “The Wrecking Crew.” We hope that you’re as good at fixin’ cars as they are at dismantling them.”

If we apply just a little bit of logic we can deduce that since this is specifically supposed to be affordable racing ($500 cars), that the powers that be will vigorously protect this idea (crap-can racing commandment) by imposing “penalties” on those that “screw-up”.  After all (dare I say it), if we just want to do laps in $2000 cars we can do that at a Conference event.

Fiat BBQ
I've never seen one of these before

Anyway, I did receive some photos of a mobile Italian restaurant, which is really cool and I wouldn’t think counts toward the $500.  But, they have no pictures of the race car?  – Suspicious indeed…  I’m told it’s a Fiat X 1/9, well actually (counting the pasta cooker) it’s a Fiat X 1.5/9 which (if you take the time to do the math) is really a Fiat X 1/6. 

Fiat BBQ 2
Antonio, where is the wine opener!?!?

In any case, I’m not so worried about this one because the vital bits of the motor in an old Italian car like that will be organized much like a bowl of seafood linguine by the time the second bottle of Chianti is gone… Ask me how I know sometime.

Then there are a couple of teams with reclaimed Spec Miatas that they think nobody knows the cost of parts for.  Excuse me – hey look over here, there are some guys that have built a couple of these things. 

AR Spec Miata
Spec Miata masquerading as a.... Spec Miata - crew chief disguised to protect the innocent?

For example: the hard top on your $500 car is worth $800 all day long on Craigslist – “but we only paid $200 for the car, from my co-driver…”   These guys must think that the officials are Ferrari F1 fans.

And, if we put some  fins on this one then maybe everybody will think its a fish and not a real race car..? Until they start falling off of the poor thing – but that’s okay because the corner workers (both of them) will be looking for something to do around midnight…

Chump Shark 3
this one's been swimming round the bait tank for a while...

It’s no secret that this was (very recently) a real race car.  Again, we know stuff and we’re not afraid to prove it.  Lest you think that this is sour grapes or garden variety whining – reconsider.  Mostly I’m just bored, but there’s nothing gardeny about it and I am not telling you what to think of any of this, anyway – that’s all up to you (and those who would judge you).  I just shine the light of righteousness on those of sinister intentions – yes, I’m talking to you Schrader.

Ferrari Fans are Stupid (Proof)

First, I think that Ferrari road cars are generally the most beautiful and well engineered pieces of machinery to grace the planet (period).

And, when I was young and until I learned to know better, I was a huge fan of Scuderia Ferrari (the racing team).  Nike Lauda and Clay Regazzoni were the drivers then and would be two of my favorite racing drivers for the rest of their careers (specifically because they had been with Ferrari). 

Villeneuve LBGP 78
Villeneuve having led his first lap of an F1 race

When I attended my first Grand Prix and saw my all time favorite racing driver, Gilles Villeneuve, take the lead of an F1 race for the first time, I was in the Ferrari grand stand at Long Beach.

Strangely, that would also be the location of the crash that would end Regazzoni’s career (two years later), and Villeneuve would also crash out of the lead of that 1978 race while lapping Regazzoni (I was always slightly irritated with Regazzoni about that…). 

The real reasons that I am no longer a Ferrari “fan” are kind of beside the point here, however.  Sitting in the grandstands near a sea of red and the ever present waving prancing horse flags (God help you if your seat is behind them), while the Ferrari cap wearing hordes clap politely (as if observing a putt for birdie at the British Open) does make me feel terribly embarrassed for them – okay, stupid.  Hint – sit with the Dutch or Welsh F1 fans, they’re a bunch more fun…  But, this is about a specific example:

Ferrari Bike
the perfect compliment to a Ferrari Polo shirt - 34.5 lbs for $2,700

Today I came across this and nearly lost it… – Ferrari Bike Technical Specs.  They claim to sell out of these painfully overweight, $2,700 bicycles.  They claim to sell over 2,000 of them!!!  Who, but a lunatic Ferrari F1 fan would pay that for this kind of POS???  And then, what word would best describe the new owner..? 

Here’s the deal – if you’re some kind of euro-poseur wanna-be and must have a cool Italian bike, go pick yourself up a DeRosa or Colnago (for example).  Guido (who proudly pedals his ass around on a Colnago), doesn’t try to buy a Colnago car (even if Fiat did a spectacular job with the paint).  So, stop being a bunch of dorks – do it for Gilles.

But, hey, you say, it’s got (from the advert) “Pure Leather PEDALS” – well that changes everything…

Proof, again, that Ferrari fans are stupid.  Don’t shoot me, I’m just the messenger.

Chump Car!!!

I’ve described the 24 Hours of LeMons as a Halloween Party with cars, and Chump Car will soon take this description to its natural conclusion with a “race” at Portland International Raceway Oct 31 – Nov 1, 2009.

Background:  LeMons has been around since 2006 and is immensely popular in the car guy community.  My understanding has been that “LeMons” events have been in such high demand that there just hasn’t been room on the schedule for a Northwest race.  And, it seems that maybe we’re not the only place being left off of the schedule.

So, Chump Car is born.  The biggest difference I can see, at this point, is that it seems speeds are going to be higher in a Chump Car race (but not too high) – so, kind of like a Conference event.  I think they get away with calling it a race because they will be using transponders, and if they wanted to use that information for scoring, they could…

potentially fast car with shark theme - will the judges fall for this old trick?
potentially fast car with shark theme - will the judges fall for this old trick?

There is a difference between an “activity” and a “race”, and it is important to understand what those differences might be.  If Lemons and Chump Car were really races, then the primary purpose would be to have a race – but, that’s not the primary purpose and everybody knows it.

There is no reason to believe that this isn’t simply going to be a Halloween party with cars.  Before the race even starts cars will be credited or penalized laps based on important “racing criteria” like team theme and costumes, and the amount of school supplies donated to a particular charity.  The information gathered by the transponders can be “corrected” at any time and for any reason – again, just like Conference.

The promoters are very up front about the fact that they may, again, at any time, for any reason, mess with your “race car” just because they would enjoy it.

transformation from "red meat" to harmless bird
transformation from "red meat" to harmless bird

So, the Miatacage.com race team is in possession of the 2007 Thunderhill LeMons winning car.  The then recently acquired, totaled (complete, save the broken cam shaft) and purchased for $200, 1999 Mazda Protégé, was then known as Team Red Meat and Poontang – it was really cool when the track announcer said the team name on the loud speaker (once).

consensus is that we'd all still date her
consensus is that we'd all still date her

For Chump Car, the team has gone with a Partridge Family theme – something about 6 dates in 24 hours with Laurie (who didn’t have a crush on Susan Dey in 1973..?).  We’re all pretty excited about this.

The driving line-up for this grand adventure is made up of crew members of the nearly successful, go-til-ya-blow, 2008 25 Hours of Thunderhill Miatacage.com team.  The Miatacage.com “over the wall-stars” are Brian Clemons, Ed Pavone, Dave Sutherland, Kevin Clark, Garth (Crusher) Levin and Jeff Jenks.  They didn’t spill any fuel or make other mistakes at the 25 – lets see if they can keep the fenders on the Partridge Bus…

I’m not going to be of much use (unless there is a mid-event break for a walker race), so I’ll probably just hang out in the motor coach and watch the silliness (read: experiment with new cocktail recipes).  I love seeing people drive on the race track (in anger) for the first time, and there is going to be a lot of that going on.  I’ll be there just to see the looks on my friends faces both before and after their big racing debuts – I can’t wait.

C’était un Rendez-vous

I’ve been meaning to write something about this video for some time – just because I think it’s so outrageously cool that I want people to see it. I thought about it again last Saturday morning when I received a message from my buddy Russ that he was on his way to “Cars and Coffee” in a Ferrari 275 GTB – Russ knows that I like old Ferraris and that I think the 275 GTB is one of the prettiest cars ever built.

Ferrari 275 GTB
Ferrari 275 GTB

The story behind this short film is that French director Claude Lelouch filmed the early morning run through Paris and that the car used was a 275 GTB driven by an un-named Formula One driver.

Lelouch later claimed that a large Mercedes carried the camera and that the sound of the Ferrari was dubbed over – I am somewhat skeptical, but I suppose an Oscar winning director should be able to accomplish a task like that.  I thought Star Wars was cool when I saw it, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t real… In any case, the film and sound are amazing.

The Route
The Route

The route that Lelouch chose also passes by and through many famous Parisian landmarks, including the finish line of The Tour de France (so there’s a bicycle racing connection), and places where my sister worked and lived in the time she spent there (so there’s a family connection).  The speed of the “Mercedes” has been calculated (and independently agreed upon) to have been 190 – 200 kph on the Champs-Élysées – and that will get you to church on time…

 

Death of a Clunker

Yesterday I was at a Toyota dealership doing some work and I heard a noise that sounded something like somebody trying to set the advance timing on a Club Spec Miata. Well, it wasn’t a Miata but a Nissan pickup truck that had been traded as a “clunker”. 20 seconds later it sounded like one of the pistons had become detached from a connecting rod. Then, mercifully, it stopped.

This is what happens when the Feds finally get around to paying a dealer for a “cash for clunkers” transaction. I think the substance that went into the crank case shortly before the Nissan’s demise is called sodium silicate – its use was prescribed in the 100 plus page description of how the program would work (or not, in some cases). I believe we are about 20 days removed from the end of the program and there are more vehicles waiting for destruction after this one… 10 days, my ass.

Anyway, when the automotive equivalent of Jack Kevorkian showed up with a second Nissan (a Pathfinder) I took out my phone to make a little video.

I think that this has some potential as a 24 Hours of Lemons “penalty”…

Un-banned

The situation with Conference has been resolved after a long conversation with the ICSCC License Director.

My first impression regarding the License Director was absolutely correct – he’s a good guy and I suspect that he is very highly respected amongst his racing peers. He has a tough job, and we simply have a disagreement about how far is too far – we’ve both agreed to accept that.

He sincerely wants people that love the sport to participate (and does a lot of work to help them) and I think that’s pretty cool.

Conference Takes a Mulligan

Note: Before I was “un-banned” I wrote a post that, while it included an important part of the story, was unusually sarcastic (I must have been in a grumpy mood when I wrote it…).  As I believe that this post contributed to the eventual resolution, I wanted to republish it in a more appropriate version – basically, I just took some stuff out. 

I’ve had time now to edit it in a way that still maintains the original meaning without being unnecessarily demeaning…  This is the edited version.   

 

Conference Takes a Mulligan

I finally received an email late this afternoon.  The gist is that now I have been fined per a different “Conference Regulation”.  I suppose the up-side is that I am no longer “banned”. 

Here is the content of that email: 

After consulting with the parties articulated below, as of September 7, 2009 you have been fined for unsportsmanlike conduct per C/R 609. This is the extent of your penalty. You are welcome to appeal according to the procedure outlined in the Competition Regulations, but be advised that the while the fine is outstanding, you are automatically disqualified from participating in all Conference races and events. You will also be receiving, or have already received this info in writing in the mail. 

So, after deducing that my challenge of their use of “E 404” (the rule that grants the License Director ultimate authority)  to require an apology was indeed well founded, they have switched to a fine based on C/R 609.  Well, at least we can agree about something… 

Still, these guys can’t even be bothered to read their own rules.  According to C/R 102 the Competition Regulations (C/R’s) “apply to every ICSCC sanctioned event.”  The issue we’re discussing didn’t happen at an ICSCC event – as previously documented, it happened on this blog. 

Do you guys want to take another Mulligan..?

Still, No Word From Conference…

I had a little bit of time this morning and wanted to fill in some of the details of how the ICSCC officers have handled the disagreement they have with me.  My race weekend with them has been reasonably well documented and most of you know the story.  I had a good time and wrote about the experience – it was a pretty good story.  This explanation is so that members of Conference can have a better understanding of how their club works. 

First, I have many very good friends that race in Conference.  I like most of the people there, and in some cases the feeling is mutual.  The people that do most of the work that make the racing possible are awesome.  As a matter of fact, I went into the last race weekend with a favorable attitude regarding the current crop of upper level Conference Officials, as well.  That attitude would be short lived, however.  The problem still is that some people that aspire to the “top of the club” act like a bunch of 8th grade bullies once they get there. 

The analogy is that at a middle school the 8th graders are the “big kids” and there are always a few that have to show the new kids who is boss.  It’s just the way life is, I suppose – some kids are just mean and pick on the smaller kids.  Sometimes they grow out of it…  Sometimes they become Conference Stewards.

My original story about my experience racing Conference included a description of a Conference Official that, in my view, is likely a serial bully.  That description is what the Conference License Director took offense to, and is the original source of Conference’s problem with me.  A problem that the License Director believed warranted a removal of my racing privileges.  I was “banned” for writing a story. 

This is the passage from an email I received from the I.C.S.C.C. License Director dated August 19 that explains his position: 

Per E 404., all non-ICSCC licensed entries are subject to my approval as License Director. There are no qualifiers on this approval. Sportsmanship is one of the criteria that I apply when making approval decisions. I find both your conduct, and demeanor, to be unsportsmanlike, and therefore I do not approve of your entry, in any future ICSCC sanctioned event. 

There was a phone call and several emails that went back and forth related to this passage, but that is the important paragraph.  There was a demand that I apologize without an offer of an apology for the way I had been treated by their bully – WTF, is this some kind of a joke..?  I did ask for a clarification regarding specifically what the issue was and I received this – an excerpt from my story: 

 “Captain Rule Book” then rode away on his motorcycle (sans helmet) his shirt flapping around his over the shoulder walkie-talkie holster like a moo-moo worn by a Hawaiian grandmother on a breezy Maui evening.  I wonder if Adolf knows that Portland is a city park and is therefore not exempt from the Oregon motorcycle helmet law..?  This guy is serious Mall Cop material. 

From my perspective, this is what the issues are: 

  • I was “banned” from racing with Conference until I apologized to a bully (not going to happen). 
  • The License Director had quoted the ICSCC rule book to affirm his position that he has the final say. 
  • Most importantly, the banishment was for an issue that may fall under “freedom of press” protections.

My response was to suggest that the License Director (and Conference) get his story straight and engage in some CYA (cover your ass). 

“Power corrupts”, but usually there is a place within a racing organization to air grievances.  An example is that I was racing in an SCCA Pro Racing series where the Series Steward often behaved like an unreasonable jerk.  He had the “final say”, but there was a series sponsor (with a representative) that was interested in resolving differences – we could go to him.  The jerk was eventually replaced.  In Conference, Per E 404 (see above) there is no higher authority.  I went to the rule book and the License Director is correct – he has the final say should he choose to use it.  And he did – “absolute power corrupts, absolutely.” 

I continue to believe that ridicule is a useful tool when dealing with bullies.  I also believe that what happens away from the track (provided it is within the law) should have no bearing on the approval of things like racing licenses.  To this day, I have not received an apology or a retraction of the License Directors invocation of ICSCC Rule E 404.  I have submitted an entry for the ICSCC race that takes place this weekend, and the registrar indicated that a resolution would be forthcoming (to save me the trouble of preparing a car and making the tow for nothing). 

I believe this really is the case of one bad apple spoiling the bunch.  I think that the License Director is probably a pretty good guy that has simply been immersed in a culture that protects its own – no matter the reason…  The 8th graders are going to show me who is boss.  They know that E 404 was a lame call, but now they won’t do the right thing and correct the mistake.  I wonder what’s going to happen walking home from school on Friday… 

I will continue to push back on this – because I do have friends that race in Conference and I think it is time for somebody to finally call BS on this crap.  There is also Oregon case law that makes clear the responsibilities of organizations that conduct events on public property (like PIR for example).  Conference doesn’t care about little guys like me, but they (and the clubs that make them up) are on the wrong side of that law – maybe they care about that…